RANDOM

hello homeland.
im back from Beijing but i wished i could stay there longer.
again, those sucky feelings came back and i just dont know how to make it go away.
i thought everything could change and start a fresh new beginning. but hell no. i just couldnt. yarhh. everyone could give advices easily but no one will understand whatever that ive gone through. friends and family took everything easily. when i kept by myself, not feeding myself, they would think im dieting. hey hell no, im just to weak to feed myself when every single day those emotions took over me. and i just cant feel my ownself. i wished i could be like u, go fer a break up.. forget about things so easily.. move on.. and start liking someone else. its just so difficult for me to forget u cause u meant so much to me. i tried hating you but it all doesnt work. the more i tried to hate u, the more i would love u. and everytime i want to move on, it feels like im stabbing and faking myself. everything around me reminds me of u. friends kept asking me why the break up. what am i supposed to say? n cuzzins would ask me 'where's ure boyfriend' and saying im dieting to take care of my figure. how more sucky could it be. and every single night before i could go to sleep, my mind is restless. i just couldnt have some peace in my mind. i would ask myself what really went wrong and why this thing's happening. and i just hope i will never wake up the next day. cause i know it will be another heart pain. those moments that we've gone through, i wish it would come back. i still remember the moment where u came running to my void deck to check things out when u thought i cheated ure feelings. ouh boy, how i miss ure jealousy, n how i miss ure anger. day by day that love grew stronger. i thought u would stay strong with all those promises u made. i trusted u with all my heart but i get nothing back in return. u thought only u could get jealous, ever u thought about me' i showed you a bit of jealousy and u went pissed off like the world has gone to an end. and i made loads of sacrifices. ive given u so much. ever did u appreciate that? ever realise how sucky it could be when u need that someone but he/she turn u down and put u away. ever been through being totally ignored' ever gone through someone you treasured most dumping u like a rubbish into the bin' i hope i could move on. but i just couldnt. and im dissappointed cause i thought u would understand me when u know uve once gone through all this. huhs. but instead u put me away. hurrr. u just put me away.. i would want to talk to someone but no one's gonna be the same as you. people, stop giving me advices. the more u give, the more it hurt my feelings. thats it.
..

*fuck you for making me like this.
*fuck you brother for shouting at my mom.
*n fuck to all the people who make my mom feel hurt.
*fuck you!*
*i hate posting this but i just couldnt stand no more*
..
takecare earthlots.