hello earthlots!

and so, above was some pictures that has been taken on one of the days during hari raya. ive gotten those pics only just now. so, dont blame me. some pictures have to be ignored. =)
and a few more hours to camp and yeah, ive finally pack my things. woots. and i need enuff sleep for later.

so, nitez!
*one last favour can'*

mingle-d

hello earthlots! =)

err. so yesterday, after accompanying younger sis to library, i went to ais's house for recruitment's meeting and manage to get it done. it was a tough task to do. moreover with teenagers who totally couldnt behave well. it was a disaster there. i end up doing the proposal along with only the girl's brains and soon end the meeting. we made our way home except for me and syahmi. we dropped by at KFC.
okay. yesterday's stuff's done. move on to coming week. from monday to friday, i'll not be at home, again. to attend camp pinnacle. n i know its gonna be a sucky camp. ncc cadets again' grrr. n ive yet to pack for that camp. how so cool. five days away for ncc is the same as five days of disaster. got it'
ouh. nevermind bout that.
i want to move on. gonna only concentrate on olvls right now. i know i suck at all the subjects. and im so ganna improve it all. will get started real soon.
that's all fer now.

takecare earth.
*i know ive kept my word, ive kept my promises. and ive gave you everything that you wanted. ive tried my best in that rltnshp. its up to fate right now. aites? love you.*

hello earth. =)

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers in their blog.
B. Tag 8 people to do this quiz. Those that are tagged cannot refuse.
C. Continue this game by tagging 8 other people.

1. Ernazella
2. Claudia
3. Hidayah
4. Ezzati
5. i dunnoe who else to tag.

so ive been tagged by Hanaa.

START!
1. What have you been doing recently?
`err. waiting for each and every day to pass by.

2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
`nope. it turned off on its own. low batt mah.

3. What happened at 10am today?
`nothing really happened. was infront of lappy to get new themes. ~superman themes.

4. When did you last cry?
`err. last night.

5. Believe in fate/destiny?
`i dont know. aint sure bout this.

6. What do you want in your life now?
` i want my everything back. that i know its gonna be real impossible.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
` err. none. i love the rain.

8. What's your favourite thing to do on the bed?
` linger in my thoughts. and zZz.

9. What bottoms are you wearing now?
`tights.

10. What's the nicest things in your inbox?
`his promises.

11. Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?
`err. i dont know. go ask my ex-bf.

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?
`yarhh. my younger sis necklace. i lost mine at the airport.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
`cant rmbr. watched a lot at singapore airlines.

14. What are you proud of?
`nothing.

15. What does the oldest text msg in your inbox say?
`"u notie eh" from exbf, around july this year.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
`err. i hate this part. psd.

17. Do you have any nicknames ?
`yarhh.

18. What does the newest text say?
`last reminder. this fri got...... from mus.

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
`around 12+. but couldnt sleep.

20. Are you currently happy?
`no.

21. Who gives you the best advise?
`not yet anyone.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
`no. yucks.

23. Who did you talk on the phone last night?
`no one.

24. Is something bugging you now?
`yarhh.

25. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
`mum.

takecare!

faq or fuck?

FAQ's the word today!

hellohello!
n the day was superbly plain boring. nyeahuh.
fcuk the life! wooohoooooo! =)
okayyy. again, woke up superb fast as in late in the afternoon. and watch tv. sucker, im still feeling sick luhh. =/ butbut, i managed to gobble up so much of food into my @#$%^&* throat. i ate a lot okay. ferst was cup noodles( told bro and sis that it would be the last time im eating that fer the month or i'll be losing my hair..), second was the rice with ayam masak lemak (yummy!), third was chicken puff, and lastly was bonesteak(and i ate three of the bonesteaks). im so gonna gain so much of weight today. shitossss! i hate myself for eating soo much.

the scene at the dining table...
the whole of us was around there, goshh, it was a whole lot of fun and laughter. my best ever mummy that understood my feelings says. 'huh?! (because of something that i told her and she went..) 'fcuk' as in FAQ! ' . me and sis burst out into lauhgter, bro felt shocked, daddy, 'HUH?!'
goshh, mummy made me laugh non-stop. wait, u'll have to understand what im writing to know what i meant. uhhuh!

hmmphh. i viewed the horoscope from friendster, uhh, you know, that horoscope thingy, it says about libra, which is my zodiac 'You're too sensitive to the problems of other people right now -- get alone time.' upon reading that, i went, 'uh, FCUK!' why? cause i got freaking too much of ALONE time, and i hated it sooo much. sensitive to the problems of other people, itz because i care fer them, whoever they are.

claudia horhhhh, ure so bad sia. u make me laugh so muchh. lol! thanks uhh. =)
..
i dunnoe what to more to write. guess i should end here yeah?
..
takecare earthlots!
*thought of the same thing the whole day.. FCUK!*

damn this life.

something's wrong with my eyes.

hello earthlots!
how's things? hmm. i've yet to get out of this house and wonder around except to visit cuzzie's house after coming home from beijing. why? cause i fell sick upon coming home. nyeahuh! ferst was sore throat, then flu followed by fever and i went coughing here and there. GOSH! irritating throat. there's too much of cold air in my lungs i think. my hands and legs shiver at times even though it wasnt cold around. gahh!
mummy and daddy has been stuffing me with @#$%^&* medicine without doctor's supervision. cool huh? im so sick and tired of medicines now. it couldnt cure the small pain in my throat which HURTS fcuking lots. damn it. and daddy, i told you so many freaking times not to smoke at home cause it HURTS my throat more and i could hardly breathe. every single breath i take, it feels like there was a fly stucked in my throat buzzing all around trying to find its way out. but wth, you didnt care and scolded me instead. ouh, wait till i go lying in the hospital bed with so many thin pins around me. ewwww! i hate you fer that. and thanks a lot mummy for ure very much concern. u'll always be there fer me and yeahh, i'm never gonna fail to be there fer you too mummy. ure the MOST beautiful and the best woman i've had ever met in earth and i love you sooooo much. =)yeoo! want some of this ?! my mummy!

ouhkay. the day was perfect until someone had to spoil it. damn her! what would you feel when ure lovely mummy was laughing her heart out with you and suddenly turned extremely sad plus pain in the heart upon knowing someone which we hated most(except that cheeky guy) was coming to visit us? wont you feel like killing the someone who had invited her and the someone who was invited? gahh! im starting to hate people around me more. damn! its not going to be a good sign okayy.
next. everyone in the house is occupied EXCEPT me. daddy with his job and computer. mummy and her job. elder sis and her boyfriend, atlast! which irritates me most cause it kept reminding me of the past(few weeks and months back). especially the way they called each other on the phone(as in sweetnames). DAMN again! im missing being on the phone with someone right now. anyone? ring me up and talk to me can?.. brother never stop cracking his head about somebody. but i salute him(only a little) cause he keep to one(unlike some FAQers as in BIG FUCKERS, asking fer another circumcise)..younger sis busy with thousand of guys texting and calling her day and night. and me?? rotting in this house, so sick and tired with things around with that addition of sore throat. i'm like a wall, watching every move and steps that people make. i read about you and tried to link everything, damn! it hurts my heart and i just dunnoe why. to sum up, i hate everything's that im facing right now. got it?
ermm. except fer this. i had a conversation with mus, my USM. haha. he told me jokes. kept me laughing sey.

here's it:

mus: where do horses go when they fall sick?
LEEN: ? dunnoe.
mus: the horse-pital
LEEN!: lol.
mus: Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 . Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again back to 1.

This was what he came up with...

1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep.. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run so fast until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him

mus: Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away.


So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6 . He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1 .

LEEN!: haha.
mus:
last one before i sour dream
mus: what do cows do for entertainment?

they go to the moo-vies

LEEN!: haha.
LEEN!: gila sia you!
LEEN!: got animore or not?
mus: got
must: why was the bowl of soup so smelly?
LEEN!: errmmm.
LEEN!: dnnoe.
mus: coz it was the toilet-bowl
LEEN!: haha!
LEEN!: damnnn!
mus: why could the ball carry fruits?
LEEN!: errm.
LEEN!: basket ball
LEEN!: ?
mus: correct!
LEEN!: haha. YEAH!
mus: what is the quickest way to count cows?
LEEN!: huh? dunnoe.
mus: use a cow-culator
LEEN!: huhhuh!
mus: when does a computer need to wear glasses?
LEEN!: shitts! i dont konw.
mus: when it needs to improve its webSIGHT
LEEN!: haha!
mus: what driver doesn't have a license?
mus: clue:a tool
LEEN!: screwdriver
mus: correct
LEEN!: haha.
mus: why did donald duck throw the butter out of his window?
mus: clue: something to do with butter
LEEN!: hmm.
LEEN!: noo idea.
mus: to see butterfly
LEEN!: haha.
mus: *Butter-Fly*
mus: why did mickey mouse put sugar under his pillow?
LEEN!: ouh. get it!
LEEN!: ermm. what uhh?
mus: something to do with dream
mus: wat is it?
LEEN!: i dunnoe liao.
mus: sweet dream
LEEN!: ouhyarhhhhh horrhhhh.
mus: why does skeleton does not dare to cross the road
mus: Clue:related to something that does not exist below them
LEEN!: dunnoe!
mus: they go no balls
mus:*got*
LEEN!: haha.
LEEN!: lol.
LEEN!: no link.
mus: why did the bag have hands?
LEEN!: handbag.
mus: correct
LEEN!: =)
mus: last one then i gtg sweet dream
mus: why could the grass hop?
LEEN!: grasshopper.
mus: correct!!
LEEN!: =))
LEEN!: easy per.
mus: easy ehhh
mus: why can't a car play football?
LEEN!: huh?
LEEN!: dunnoe.
LEEN!: no legs
LEEN!: no foot.
mus: coz it only has one boot(boot is a parts of a car)
LEEN!: ?
LEEN!: LOL!
mus: last one see whether u can guess it
mus: where is the most dangerous city in the world?
LEEN!: no idea.
mus: something to do with electric
mus: ?
LEEN!: still no idea.
mus: electricity
mus: electric-city
LEEN!: DAMNNN!!!

and that was it. it makes me laugh for a few minutes. hurr. its been long since i laugh okayy. but thanks mus fer dat few minutes of laughter.(see, i know how to appreciate people unlike you..) hmm. im hoping fer more entertainment. ouh. ure so gonna use the same trick all over again. ask another someone how to ask fer it. then u go fer it and u get it. then u made stoopid promises and then u did this one big mistake and soon u ditch it. and u find another someone and start all over again. and cool, im one of the victim. =) such a sucker u are.

ouh GOD, show me the right way, tell me what im supposed to do, im stucked right here with nothing left except that pain in the heart about everything all around. can i suicide? =/ i wished i got the courage to do that. boohooo!
im done earthlots. its 4.30 a.m.

good'night'.
takecare people.
*takecare myself =/*
*F F F as in Fuckers Fuck Forever.*

RANDOM

hello homeland.
im back from Beijing but i wished i could stay there longer.
again, those sucky feelings came back and i just dont know how to make it go away.
i thought everything could change and start a fresh new beginning. but hell no. i just couldnt. yarhh. everyone could give advices easily but no one will understand whatever that ive gone through. friends and family took everything easily. when i kept by myself, not feeding myself, they would think im dieting. hey hell no, im just to weak to feed myself when every single day those emotions took over me. and i just cant feel my ownself. i wished i could be like u, go fer a break up.. forget about things so easily.. move on.. and start liking someone else. its just so difficult for me to forget u cause u meant so much to me. i tried hating you but it all doesnt work. the more i tried to hate u, the more i would love u. and everytime i want to move on, it feels like im stabbing and faking myself. everything around me reminds me of u. friends kept asking me why the break up. what am i supposed to say? n cuzzins would ask me 'where's ure boyfriend' and saying im dieting to take care of my figure. how more sucky could it be. and every single night before i could go to sleep, my mind is restless. i just couldnt have some peace in my mind. i would ask myself what really went wrong and why this thing's happening. and i just hope i will never wake up the next day. cause i know it will be another heart pain. those moments that we've gone through, i wish it would come back. i still remember the moment where u came running to my void deck to check things out when u thought i cheated ure feelings. ouh boy, how i miss ure jealousy, n how i miss ure anger. day by day that love grew stronger. i thought u would stay strong with all those promises u made. i trusted u with all my heart but i get nothing back in return. u thought only u could get jealous, ever u thought about me' i showed you a bit of jealousy and u went pissed off like the world has gone to an end. and i made loads of sacrifices. ive given u so much. ever did u appreciate that? ever realise how sucky it could be when u need that someone but he/she turn u down and put u away. ever been through being totally ignored' ever gone through someone you treasured most dumping u like a rubbish into the bin' i hope i could move on. but i just couldnt. and im dissappointed cause i thought u would understand me when u know uve once gone through all this. huhs. but instead u put me away. hurrr. u just put me away.. i would want to talk to someone but no one's gonna be the same as you. people, stop giving me advices. the more u give, the more it hurt my feelings. thats it.
..

*fuck you for making me like this.
*fuck you brother for shouting at my mom.
*n fuck to all the people who make my mom feel hurt.
*fuck you!*
*i hate posting this but i just couldnt stand no more*
..
takecare earthlots.

BAD-KITTY

yeah, i miss you, love..

your promises.. *sigh*

AEM at RP poly..

well, i miss that guy(name is there) on the paper. written by- a friend..

i had always wish you were right there beside me..

hellohello! =)

earthlots, today was pretty gerek! haha. I went out with my lovely+a little childish NCC mates(since exexbf couldnt make it) to watch movie; MADagascar at causeway. uhhuh! So, we met up at around one p.m. hmmph. MUS was very late. BUT, understoodable cause only he went fer friday prayers. LOL! okayy, so there were seven of us, me, ais, wahyu, habsah, faiz, syahmi n mus. We booked tickets and waited fer a few minutes before the movie starts. upon waiting, we went playing at timezone. haha. it was really fun in there, with friends all around. =)

ouhkayy. now lets talk about the movie. it was AWESOME! haha. Andand, it was fullhouse luhh sey! the starting was so cute. as madagascar was funny, there's always laughters here and there. But there was this one part, when Alex(the lion) and his friends were about to fly the plane, a boy from behind, at the theatre, stood up and said "bubbye! bye!" in a cute way. haha. macam paham sia!!! but cute. hee. hmm. from the movie, the same old lady, who called the damn big lion, 'badkitty' was like out of her mind sia. but that was what that makes the whole movie more funny.

hmmm. well, its best if u watch the movie ureself. MUST watch! =) after the end of movie, we took a few pictures; in habsah camera, and i went to buy some more things fer my trip to beijing. a few nore hours to go! weeee!  butbut, im feeling sad. he's not gonna be around.. hmmph..

well, that's it fer now..

takecare!

*haiz, i miss us being together..*

hellohello!

..

today, as per usual, had AEM again, and yeahh, im always late. =) late by one hour. heehee. Thank god, today was the last day fer AEM. Throughout the whole course, i didnt contribute any idea or helping hand at all. huhs. Im freaking got no interest in it. haha. and sorry fizah, fer not helping u. So, instead of cracking my head out doing the proposal together with fizah, I spent the day commputer-ing. huhs. n of course, its a total bore.

During lunch time, I ate Nasi Ayam Penyet with mummy. hehe. Got free food again. (that's why i like to follow parents more than eating lunch with friends. =P) mummy's great. i love you so much mum. okayy. after the whole of the course ended, bro, meera n me went to cuzzin's house in between semb and yishun, which is a terrace to have a swim there. --rather than wasting money in public. haha. it was total fun and yeah, i didnt forget my swimming skills after so long not swimming. LOL! =) the yakuzi and the hot pool was damn gerek! haha. i was a little scared at ferst. cause bro n meera wanted to push me inside. n i was like screaming "hoiii!! jangan! jangan!" ..haha. idiotic people. =P

hurr. i think im getting so fat alrd. the whole day i kept eating. aunty bought nasi lemak and uncle bought rojak mama. im fat luhhhhh! irritating fats. haha.

hmm. after we're done at cuzzie's house, we walked back home. it was brother's decision. stoopiid him. haha. but the route wasnt really far. soo, okay luhh.

hmm. i guess, there's no more to talk about. so, toodles! =)

i'm going beijing soon!!! singapore airline, im cuming!!

..

takecare people!

..

*psst, ive moved on. =)*

ouh hello!

..

just wanna share this song.

i mean the lyrics.

its so cool. =)

..

Lyrics to If I Were A Boy :
[Verse]
If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I'd roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it.
Cause they'd stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

[Verse]
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleepin' alone
I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waitin' for me to come home (to come home)

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he's taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

[Vamp1]
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

[Male]
You know when you act like that
I don't think you realize how it makes me look
or feel

[Beyonce]
Act like what
Why are you so jealous
It's not like i'm sleeping with the guy

[Male]
What

[Beyonce]
What

[Male]
I said yo
Why are you so jealous
It aint like I'm sleepin with the girl
[Vamp2]
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
Yeah you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you're just a boy
...................

that's all!

takecare!

hello peeps! =)

hmm. so, ferst up in the morning, received 5 messages. lol. i sleep like a log.

okayy. one of it was farah's message. n yeah. i got myself a scarf and winter cap(got orange!). lol.

i borrowed it from farah. and now im only left with wool socks to buy. where should i find one? hmm. another message was, somewhat a bad news fer some of my friends who's going to beijing. but not me! the school cant supply jacket and luckily daddy bought me one alrd. huhs.

ouh no. im not ready to fly to beijing luhh sey. scared luhh sey! andand hopefully things go smoothly there. cause i just received an sms from rinniey. 'beijing got earthquake!' crazy or wad? ouh well. i'll just pray everything will go really well. =)

..

hmm. then.. i went window shopping alone. lol! hmm. im gonna save up and grab those nice things i saw. hmmph.

to sum up, nothing really did happened today. ouh so boring. -_-!

..

well, takecare people!

..

p.s. never judge me by the way i blog and say things. fer u dont know what truly had happen. so, just shut up. =)

hellohello.

hmm. so, the day today, i went out with some of my NCC friends and played bowling at Safra Yishun Country Club. we played like three games and yeah, i got the lowest score in all of the games. haha. what to do, wahyu kept hitting the balls, syahmi, the lucky one, and me, haiyaa- LONGKANG! what i was saying is that the ball keeps going to the most right/left. haha. what to do luhh sey, i cant keep my freaking mind on the game. fer one of the games, we put our names as syahmi-'bapak kau' , wahyu-'mak kau' n me-'anak kau'. n when it comes to one of their turn, i was like shouting, "eh, bapak kau punyer turn!" lol! while shooting the ball and waiting fer each other's turn, we took some pictures, but its all in wahyu's phone. ermm. not to forget, mustaqim was there, but he didnt play at all. what only. hmm. as long as we did have some fun, i guess. haha. n ouhyarh. there's this one guy, which looks like one of the riverside's sir, named nizam, kept eyeing us, especially the part where we made a nuisance out of ourselves. really crazy luhh. after spending about three hours there, we played at the playground nearby. its more crazier, we played this thing, which is like a see-saw, but is different. i dunnoe how to describe luhh. so, im like the lightest one there and it feels like im flying when they put their weight on it. tak boleh turon sia!! sampai terpekik, "oii! aku nak turon!" lol!

hmm. after playing at the playground, for only like a little while, we got ourselves dirty and went back to the bowling area for the toilet. lol! hmm. soon, we went separate ways. back to home luhh. but mus went to NTUC, to buy taugeh, i think, syahmi and wahyu, to science centre. they wanna take a look at the egg and chicken uhh. LOL! joking only.
..
hmm. five more freaking days and im off to beijing. n ive yet to pack. lol. daddy n mummy bought me this MAN U brand luggage(which sucks to the bottom of the deep blue sea; i mean the brand), an orange with blue coloured jacket, orange gloves and orange coloured thermal wear. amacam, all orange? haha n not forgetting, an orange watch. pasar malam punyer. =P hmm. thanks mummy and daddy. n so sorry fer being lazy these few days. cnt help it luhh. im goin insane. hmm. they noticed so fast. mummy said to me " why are you so weak?! ure going to travel in a few days time. i asked u to eat, u dun want." -_- and daddy said "people grow bigger by day, u grow smaller. *sigh*" ... hmm. how sad. all the lectures, saying im lazy and all.. im just feeling down. and i cant help myself either.
..
haizz. im looking forward for friday to come. hopefully i'll get to meet my exex bf. n at least have some fun.
..
hmm. hokay, should i move on or wait for the stars to drop? hmm. i guess i'll move on. i'll try. since some people dont care about me anymre. huhs. and fine then if u dont wish to entertain me, go ahead, move on, and think only about ureself. selfish loser. i never had thought i had ran into some loser. sumer ncc punyer pasal uh niee. tak guner betol. grrrr!
aku ader life sendiri uh. nabei tak teng teng. if only u didnt appear in my life, things would be better. there wont be a need to crack my head, to waste all the tears and hurt my heart. its pain bodooooooo! i still cant believe whatever that has happened, happened in my life. DAMN! haizz.
..

*my wish list*

1. TO GET OVER YOU
   
2. TO GET OVER YOU
   
3. TO GET OVER YOU ASAP
   
4. to have fun like never at beijing
5. to find a new beginning
6. to get back to life!
   

haha! maken hari, maken giler!
until here then.

takecare people.

*though my heart still hurts. whatever it is, i'll still care fer you. only u know what i mean.*

its worth trying.

as usual, woke up early in the morning for elective module. it feel weird going for module. emotions took over me. and it seriously sucks.

so, i walked to school. huhs. i kept hearing the song 'doy' sang by kangen.. and that song, huhs, memory. ouhkae, u'll only understand if u know what i meant. hmm.

upon reaching school, fiza told me that ive changed, in a sense, not happy like i used to be, and im getting very skinny. but wait, im fat hokayy! i seriously dont like all those fats no me. n im sorry fiza fer ignoring u on that moment, im feeling down luhh.. soon, when evryone has assembled, we went to republic poly to proceed with our course. n damn it, the driver sucks to the most. he's so short tempered and only asked for trouble. hurr. we can go there and come back own our own luhh. its like ure so impt. damn u... haizz. then it was the course itself. it was boring as usual. except for the one hour of playing captain's ball and dogde ball. now i know what to do to make me forget everything that has happened. playing sports with friends is really great. n im so looking forward to go out with NCC mates again. n yess, i did try to make myself involve more in the program; planning and discussion, and make myself smile at least a little. hmm. its worth a try..

damn, im clueless. what more to write?

ouhyarhh. takecare friend, u should really takecare of ureself and dont get sick. its not good. haha!

..

bintang ouh bintang.

kau datang dan pergi untuk selamalamanya.

Uncontrollable

..

start typing out. best way to let it out.. so, i slept pretty late yesterday. around 5-6 plus am. had to do all the changes in life. well, im alone right now..

hmm. so, today, i woke up at 7.30a.m. and got myself ready fer elective module. haizz. everything gets tougher by seconds. im like emotionally down! i couldnt help myself and that feeling totally sucks. its really pretty hard for me to have some peace in mind. every now and then i kept thinking about him. i never wanted it to end this way. =(

i cant stop those tears from rolling down my cheeks.. even walking to school.. my mind is restless. haizz.

my feelings then got worst, when i told two of my classmates about the hot news.. i told them 'eh, aku dah break up ngn faqih..' n before i could complete my sentence, syida was already beating me on my hand, as she thought i was the one who asked fer it. that beating not only hurt my hand, it also pierced my heart. pierced my heart deeply.. i couldnt stand and again tears rolled down. even after telling myself to be strong. ='( i rushed to the ladies and explain it to them.. hurrr!

please okay. i love faqih wholeheartedly and im nt the freaking cause fer the break up. well, many said that his frens was the reason to all those changes. haizz. i just dunnoe wad to do, wad move i should take, wad feeling i shud have. faqih, this feeling sucks u know. n i cant believe i fall in love with u. i cant believe i trust ure words. u turn my world upside down.

.. ='(

haiz. i guess i know wads the exact reason fer this break up.. its pretty sad when ur bf turn away frm u and prefer to talk with his ex gf.

and not being responsible fer his actions. and not keeping his promises. n making his gf trust him so much.

thats it, im lost, and i dunnoe wad else i should do.

..

.

bintang, kau hanya ada buat sementara.

break up!

DAMN THESE FEELINGS!

sorry for the late updates people.
it has been really hard for me these few days.. i cant hide my sorrow further.. its too much of suffering and sacrificing..
n i'm blogging right now only because of certain things that has happened throughout the day. friends and strangers, most of you will surely been wondering. huhs. to shorten the longlong story.. 'its over..' we are now just friends.
100608-041108
hmm. hopes are now all gone. and actually, i know these things will surely happen. n i was wrong to take everything seriously. im indeed very wrong. believing and trusting those words he said. haiisshh. my eyes are like swollen. got stoopid eyebags. hurrr.
..
i am very disappointed. u didnt do what you've promised. tsk!
its sad that i have to go through all these shits. boohoo.
i've spent the nights since last week shedding tears. gossh. it hurts okay!
i lost appetite.. lost focus, lost the confidence i had.. i pfffft lost everything i used to have. =(
i never had thought that im freaking this weak. like a loser.
.. i guessed i had love and trust him more than i should.. =((
i was wishing for those happiness to come back.. but i guess, it wont happen anymore..
n no one will know how i feel..
hafizah, u can kill me now. i allow u to do so.
if only u know what i meant..
..
goshh. im even shedding tears right now.
i feel like bursting, i wanna scream all my sorrows out.
but i cant. =((
..
guys out there, can you please stop hurting decent people's feelings.
we are sensitive okayy, no matter how strong we may appear from outside.
n please, dont use the reason 'because of studies' if u guys wanna break up.
seriously, itz a total bullshit. u should know ureself, if u cant afford to maintain ure studies and u dun have time to enjoy, jollywell dont go for steady. act like big heroes. when the fact is that u guyz are nuts!
..
n you, the one that i've truly adore, thanks luhh ehh, fer everything.. those broken promises, those sweet loving phrases, all the hugs and kisses, the morning and night greetings, the motivation, the cute mickey mouse, the splendid moments, the tears.. and everything else. i do keep promises and secrets well. u turned out to be the one at the losing end.
..
hmm.. dear boy, i appreciated ure presence wholeheartedly... hmm. i would want to see u success. i want to see u becuming a chief engineer, well, as a fren.. hmm.. u takecare hokayy. haissh. that last call from me, a few minutes ago.. damn, i missed that voice hokayy. whatever it is, all the best for ure future hokayy'

our very first picture. =)
back from specialist course.
..
kau bintang dan ku langit malam.
kau akan ada bila aku ada.
menemani diri ku tiaptiap malam.
menerangi kegelapan yang kian datang.
tapy kini kau tiada.
tiada lagi cahaya di mata ku.
tiada lagi di pandangan ku.
langit malam kini kesepian.
bintang yang menjadi teman,
telah pudar kehilangan.

i should end this now.
takecare people.

tsk! i still love you.. ='(