Uncontrollable

..

start typing out. best way to let it out.. so, i slept pretty late yesterday. around 5-6 plus am. had to do all the changes in life. well, im alone right now..

hmm. so, today, i woke up at 7.30a.m. and got myself ready fer elective module. haizz. everything gets tougher by seconds. im like emotionally down! i couldnt help myself and that feeling totally sucks. its really pretty hard for me to have some peace in mind. every now and then i kept thinking about him. i never wanted it to end this way. =(

i cant stop those tears from rolling down my cheeks.. even walking to school.. my mind is restless. haizz.

my feelings then got worst, when i told two of my classmates about the hot news.. i told them 'eh, aku dah break up ngn faqih..' n before i could complete my sentence, syida was already beating me on my hand, as she thought i was the one who asked fer it. that beating not only hurt my hand, it also pierced my heart. pierced my heart deeply.. i couldnt stand and again tears rolled down. even after telling myself to be strong. ='( i rushed to the ladies and explain it to them.. hurrr!

please okay. i love faqih wholeheartedly and im nt the freaking cause fer the break up. well, many said that his frens was the reason to all those changes. haizz. i just dunnoe wad to do, wad move i should take, wad feeling i shud have. faqih, this feeling sucks u know. n i cant believe i fall in love with u. i cant believe i trust ure words. u turn my world upside down.

.. ='(

haiz. i guess i know wads the exact reason fer this break up.. its pretty sad when ur bf turn away frm u and prefer to talk with his ex gf.

and not being responsible fer his actions. and not keeping his promises. n making his gf trust him so much.

thats it, im lost, and i dunnoe wad else i should do.

..

.

bintang, kau hanya ada buat sementara.

break up!

DAMN THESE FEELINGS!

sorry for the late updates people.
it has been really hard for me these few days.. i cant hide my sorrow further.. its too much of suffering and sacrificing..
n i'm blogging right now only because of certain things that has happened throughout the day. friends and strangers, most of you will surely been wondering. huhs. to shorten the longlong story.. 'its over..' we are now just friends.
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hmm. hopes are now all gone. and actually, i know these things will surely happen. n i was wrong to take everything seriously. im indeed very wrong. believing and trusting those words he said. haiisshh. my eyes are like swollen. got stoopid eyebags. hurrr.
..
i am very disappointed. u didnt do what you've promised. tsk!
its sad that i have to go through all these shits. boohoo.
i've spent the nights since last week shedding tears. gossh. it hurts okay!
i lost appetite.. lost focus, lost the confidence i had.. i pfffft lost everything i used to have. =(
i never had thought that im freaking this weak. like a loser.
.. i guessed i had love and trust him more than i should.. =((
i was wishing for those happiness to come back.. but i guess, it wont happen anymore..
n no one will know how i feel..
hafizah, u can kill me now. i allow u to do so.
if only u know what i meant..
..
goshh. im even shedding tears right now.
i feel like bursting, i wanna scream all my sorrows out.
but i cant. =((
..
guys out there, can you please stop hurting decent people's feelings.
we are sensitive okayy, no matter how strong we may appear from outside.
n please, dont use the reason 'because of studies' if u guys wanna break up.
seriously, itz a total bullshit. u should know ureself, if u cant afford to maintain ure studies and u dun have time to enjoy, jollywell dont go for steady. act like big heroes. when the fact is that u guyz are nuts!
..
n you, the one that i've truly adore, thanks luhh ehh, fer everything.. those broken promises, those sweet loving phrases, all the hugs and kisses, the morning and night greetings, the motivation, the cute mickey mouse, the splendid moments, the tears.. and everything else. i do keep promises and secrets well. u turned out to be the one at the losing end.
..
hmm.. dear boy, i appreciated ure presence wholeheartedly... hmm. i would want to see u success. i want to see u becuming a chief engineer, well, as a fren.. hmm.. u takecare hokayy. haissh. that last call from me, a few minutes ago.. damn, i missed that voice hokayy. whatever it is, all the best for ure future hokayy'

our very first picture. =)
back from specialist course.
..
kau bintang dan ku langit malam.
kau akan ada bila aku ada.
menemani diri ku tiaptiap malam.
menerangi kegelapan yang kian datang.
tapy kini kau tiada.
tiada lagi cahaya di mata ku.
tiada lagi di pandangan ku.
langit malam kini kesepian.
bintang yang menjadi teman,
telah pudar kehilangan.

i should end this now.
takecare people.

tsk! i still love you.. ='(